I'm playing as Joe, most commonly known as "the green haired one". The game starts with a world map, similar to the one in Mario Brothers 3. Except this one is pointless and uninteresting.
|It's nonlinear, see, because you can choose to play the level, or turn the game off.|
Then the adventure begins! The first enemy you encounter in the game is a pterodactyl. So right away you know this game isn't going to help you with your science homework. Next you encounter some other cavemen, but these guys look different than you, so you hate them.
You can get a variety of weapon powerups in the game. The range on your standard club hovers around nothing and attacking anything with it will just get you hit back, so it's really required to have a powerup at all times. But don't get the fireball. Fuck the fireball. It is entirely worthless and you should only pick it up if you can't find a quicker way to tell the person you're playing with you want to play another game.
|I'll take the Poison Shroom.|
Speaking of that, this game really shines in co-op and playing it alone now I can feel something is missing (someone to go ahead of me and take all the damage).
Anyway continuing on in the level I'm fighting more cavemen on the back of a T-Rex and they all run away for some reason.
|This probably isn't foreshadowing anything.|
Then I smack some T-Rex babies and get to the end of the level. But what's this? A mighty roar (actually more of a "Bah boo! Bah boo!") and THE T-REX APPEARS! This boss is pretty easy and goes down without much of a fight.
|That'll teach you to attack me for killing your babies.|
|Wait, that's "it"?|
|"Nooooo! You've discovered my only weakness!"|
|That's funny. I don't remember pressing the "freak the fuck out" button.|
The next level is a wacky river ride and at the end you fight a gang of Dolphins. You can just stand in the middle and throw weapons at everything so once again it's pretty easy.
|Do that, fireball.|
After that we've got a crazy trip down a waterfall, and the boss of this one is what Paleontologists call a "B-ball...neck......saur".
Also, the girl here is ugly, so I never cared if my brother/friend got a kiss from her.
|Ugh. You can stay kidnapped.|
Next we're spelunking our way through an icy cave. The boss here is a giant mammoth, and he sucks. He takes forever to kill and I died like three times.
|He's either got tons of HP, or he's immune to hundreds of boomerangs to the face.|
The next level is another short vertical climb with another Pterodactyl boss. Then it's some volcanic levels with more bosses. After that it's a bone pit. And it's here I'm struck down by a bolt of lightning and my game ends.
|Hopefully caveman God is cool with the "killing hundreds of his creations" thing.|
Yeah, it's a pretty awesome game.
HOW MUCH DID THE COVER ART LIE?
What the hell is this!? Where's Joe and Mac's trademark colorful locks of hair? And I never fought a green T-Rex. This cover art is a load of bullshit.